Depictions of the Roman god Cupid are ubiquitous around Valentine’s Day. The story of Cupid and his arrows that inflict either the blessing, or in some instances the curse, of falling in love are well known. What is less frequently acknowledged, however, is that Cupid actually holds two different kinds of arrows in his quiver. The lesser known arrows are very different; their tips are dipped not in gold but in lead, and they result not in love but in apathy. When struck by these lead-tipped arrows a person flees from desire and from the strong feelings that love can create. Psychologically, the experience of depression is much like having been struck by one of Cupid’s lead arrows. Depression has a very leaden quality. It seems like life is dull, things feel as though they are moving painfully slow, and there is a general lead-like heaviness that prevents motivation and inspiration. Caught in the agony of depression, it is necessary to find a way to access the essence of Cupid’s other arrows, the ones that induce love.
This does not mean resorting to falling in love as the antidote to depression. Romantic love is undoubtedly a powerful force, and although it may help to lift the gravity of depression for a time, it’s too much an expectation to put on another person. Even more, once the initial shine of a new relationship wears off one’s own inner situations and challenges return. Instead, the journey toward a healthy assimilation of Cupid’s golden-tipped arrows is one that has to take place within the self rather than being projected onto another person. Integrating the qualities of Cupid’s golden-tipped arrows without actually being struck by them (which leads to overwhelming and destructive desire) establishes grounded remedies to depression’s burdensome grip. Of course this process happens in relationship with other people, including romantic partners. The significant difference though is to not rely on a partner or partners to be the solution, that happens when one is struck by Cupid’s famous love-maddening arrows. This typically perpetuates a feedback loop of dopamine rich experiences of falling in love but then crushing disappointment when that experience and that other person do not resolve internal afflictions.
The expression “falling in love” communicates the significance and power of that experience. It is so strong, in fact, that there is a “falling”. Here we can appreciate that the solid world of the ego, where rationality and logic-based choice prevail, has dropped away. I think that that is part of the reason love stories are so common - they meet a need in the psyche for emotion, for magic, and for phenomena and experiences that transcend the ego. Some people experience this “falling in love” in a romantic sense, which is wonderful. Embracing that is important while not succumbing entirely to the maddening effects of Cupid’s golden-tipped arrows as explored above. We also experience other kinds of falling in love. It may be with a particular place: a city, a beach, a specific grove of trees. It may be a falling in love with a creative work/process/endeavor. It could be the momentary experience of falling in love with the extraordinary and simple wonder of being alive. When we consider Cupid’s lead-tipped arrows we recognize times in life that are void of feeling, marked by an aversion to life, and possibly depression. It is an uncomfortable and tremendously difficult experience that most have, to varying degrees, at some point in life. The journey out of this gray murkiness requires connecting with and incorporating the elements of Cupid’s golden-tipped arrows, so that the life affirming energies of the heart may again stir.