Empathy is the invisible thread that weaves human connections together and enlivens the world. It is the capacity to understand and share in the feelings of others, allowing us to step outside of ourselves and connect with those around us. Empathy is a transformative force, as it breeds compassion, kindness, and understanding - fostering a sense of unity.
There is a perspective which postulates that it is impossible to truly empathize with another person if you have not had the same, or at least very similar, experiences. Think of the phrase “I can sympathize but I can’t empathize because I haven’t had that experience”. This stance actually limits our capacity for understanding and being understood. In fact, it is even more essential in instances where our lived experience differs from another person’s experience to summon empathy. This creates a critical bridge that helps us relate to and gain understanding of other’s lived experience and situation.
This brings us to the concept of “the Other” and the ways this concept can both elucidate and influence personal and collective identities, opinions, and values. The concept of the "other" encompasses all those who are different from ourselves, whether in terms of identity, culture, or experiences. It serves as a constant reminder that the world is filled with a diverse range of individuals, each contributing their unique thread to the vast tapestry of humanity.
Encountering the other challenges our preconceived notions and compels us to expand our perspectives. It stirs within us a mixture of curiosity and fear as we venture into uncharted territories beyond the safety of our familiar surroundings. This push out of our comfort zones prompts us to question our assumptions and biases, and to open ourselves up to new ideas and possibilities.
One of the most insightful inquires into the concept of the other that I’ve read is Toni Morisson’s book The Origin of Others. In it, Morrison recounts the story of meeting an older black fisherwoman who sits on a seawall with a homemade fishing pole. Morrison explains that she had recently purchased a house and was exploring the property when she met this woman “at the edge, just at the fence where the most interesting things always happen”. The woman explains to Morrison that she frequently fishes in this spot, having received permission from the owners of the adjacent property. There is a sense of connection that Morrison describes feeling with this woman; a connection that presumably takes on enhanced meaning given the liminal time in Morrison’s life and the vulnerability inherent in moving into a new house in a new town or neighborhood. It is also implied that the shared blackness between the two women engenders a feeling of mutuality for Morrison - that here in this new place is a person that might have an understanding of Morrison’s experience of being a black woman in the world. Morrison also assumes a wisdom this woman possesses, a wisdom “that older women always seem to have a lock on”. She shares imagining a future friendship with this fisherwoman - inviting “her into my house for coffee, for tales, for laughter”. However, the fisherwoman never returns to the seawall and Morrison never again encounters her. This compels Morrison to reflect on what was stimulated in her meeting this fisherwoman and her corresponding fantasy of their potential friendship. Morrison, after exploring the power of language and image in shaping perception states:
These two godlings, language and image, feed and form experience. My instant embrace of an outrageously dressed fisherwoman was due in part to an image on which my representation of her was based. I immediately sentimentalized and appropriated her. Fantasized her as my personal shaman. I owned her or wanted to (and I suspect she glimpsed it). I had forgotten the power of embedded images and stylish language to seduce, reveal, control. Forgot too their capacity to help us pursue the human project - which is to remain human and to block the dehumanization and estrangement of others. (p. 36)
And so, we are tasked with the responsibility of not imposing our own internalized images onto others. I suspect that this is part of what informs the perspective “I can sympathize but I can’t empathize”. There is good reason for carefulness in how we approach understanding the experiences of the other, as demonstrated in Morrison’s story. It is always possible that embedded images we’ve inherited socially and culturally will impact how we see the other. Additionally, where we happen to be at any given moment in our life can effect how we see the other and produce certain projections we may place onto them. And yet, the humanization of the other and the perpetual effort to meet the other in a space of genuine curiosity (root cura - “help”, “care”, “cure”) is so central in our personal and collective healing processes and evolution.
Embracing the other is a powerful catalyst for cultivating empathy and compassion. By recognizing and acknowledging the shared humanity that underpins our differences, we begin to dismantle the barriers that divide us. It is through this act of embracing the other that we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves as interconnected beings, intricately woven into the fabric of existence. The other becomes an ally, providing an opportunity for self-reflection and self-discovery, ultimately leading to a more comprehensive understanding of oneself and others.
References:
Morrison, T. (2017). The Origins of Others. Harvard University Press.